Not everything about my new home is rough. The sunsets here at FOB Sharana are magical – the desert plain presents the oranges, purples, and yellows as an oil painting, framed by the distant mountain ranges to the west. This Afghan sun enjoys rest more than most, accelerating to a run as it approaches the jagged horizon, swelling to twice its size with enthusiasm for the night to come. And when the sky quickly turns dark, I understand the enthusiasm; there are so many stars, and they are the brightest I've ever seen. This is how the sky is supposed to look, here in Afghanistan, 7,000 feet up. Yet somehow, the brilliance of the stars does not reach the ground, leaving it veiled in darkness.

I do a lot of walking at night here – in the utter darkness. Where I currently stay on this base, there is no light. The brigade headquarters is about a mile from the main post of Sharana. The two are very different, the main post reminding me of a vibrant Afghan village – mud walls, shoddy structures, and people out and about enjoying life. They have the PX, the chow hall, the god given Green Bean Coffee, the pirated movie shop, the Indian-manufactured-Afghan-clothing shop, the barber – it's vibrant! And while the brigade area where I live has some of this – a px and a chowhall – the energy is not there. It's sleepy, spread out…subdued. It's not that the PX or the chowhall is not as good as the one on main post – they're actually better in variety. No, I blame the staff nerds. The brigade area is filled with aging staff officers frustrated with their jobs and the mission, sitting too many hours in front of a computer screen analyzing numbers and symbols that are likely representative of something, the essence of which may be very exciting! But they're not excited.
And why does the main post, just a mile away from me, seem to enjoy life? Well, my hunch is that it's filled with young enlisted folks, who, while also overworked, spend their days working with substance rather than form , with reality rather than representation. Basically, they use less Powerpoint.

Next week I will depart this place, for this is Brigade headquarters and my job is not with the staffers – at least not the important part. Where I'm going, I'm still unsure. I'm working with the staff to pick a location and develop a research design, with one chief consideration in mind: wherever I go, whatever I do, it must be something important! And you would not believe (former or current military personnel excluded) how many staffers want to send me somewhere unimportant (at least in my mind).

So my mission for the next few days is to cut through all the nonsense – the symbols, the numbers, the representation – and get at the substance of what is really going on here in Paktika. Where is this strategy leading us? What pieces of terrain are truly vital? And of these, which do we have the resources, the time, and the will to make a lasting impact?

This, of course, is one of the reasons I am here – a desire to make a difference; to do something important that will last. To enter the vortex and try to understand it; to bring meaninful change and return home. Some think I am nave – I've met a number of people who have labeled me as such – and with them I wholeheartedly agree. I am nave, and I value that part of my being as much as my ginger hair, my oversized heart, and my love of writing cheeseball blogposts.

What I am not nave of is the danger that is present here in Paktika, and I will do everything in my power to allow myself to return. As I make my rounds with each staff section, I pay special attention and additional time speaking with the S-2 Intelligence, for this is the man on the staff with the greatest understanding of the threat. Tonight, I asked him question after question, grilling him and trying to understand the threat. Where are the IEDs most prevalent? Where are they most lethal? What types are used where? How are complex attacks conducted? What systems of secondary devices are used? What lessons have we learned? He feels challenged, I feel more prepared.

I intend to return in one piece and will do everything I can to accomplish my mission with this in the front of my mind.